Which unemployed worker stereotype are you?

Are you a slob? Do you deserve nothing but contempt? Are you a so-called chav who should be humiliated at every chance? Well, here’s your chance to find out with this personality quiz asking: which unemployment stereotype are you? The answers are based on a scientific analysis of the Department for Work and Pension’s desired response to your situation no matter what the reality. Good luck.

1. What job did you do?

a: I’ve not worked yet. I’ve just left school/college/university and can’t find a job

b: I was an architect/journalist/middle manager but the company closed down.

c: I had a manual/professional job but struggled to find work at home so moved to the UK.

d: I’ve never worked and I never intend to. Working is for fools like you.

e: I was a qualified, experienced worker who enjoyed working but, sadly, I can’t work now because I’m unwell.

2. If you had to work what would you be willing to do?

a: I’d like to do something I’d enjoy or to use my qualifications because I’ve just graduated and I’m proud of my achievement. I’d do anything to start though.

b: Ideally I’d like to do something I enjoy, closely linked to my qualifications and experience.

c: I’m willing to do anything that’s available but would much prefer not to be here, if I’m honest.

d: I told you, I’m never going to work. My parents didn’t work, my siblings don’t work. No one in my family works, never has and never will.

e: I’d go back to what I like doing. I’d start tomorrow if my health improved.

3. How do you spend a typical day?

a: I look for jobs on in the internet and in papers then I watch David Dickinson or other afternoon television but with a great sense of irony. I’m often bored.

b: I search for jobs online, in newspapers, contact friends then I watch afternoon television with a great sense of dread. I’m often bored.

c: Looking for work: I go to employment agencies, check newspapers, try to make a call home if I’ve enough money. I’m often bored.

d: Hang about with the locals, sleep on the settee for a bit, then I might have something to eat before hanging about again. Take it easy, you know? I get into fights in my neighbourhood sometimes but, seriously, why stress out about stuff.

e: I have a routine around my medication and healthcare which can make doing anything else almost out of the question.

4. What do you spend your benefits on?

a: The essentials. It’s not enough for anything else.

b: The essentials. It’s not enough for anything else.

c: The essentials. It’s not enough for anything else.

d: I want decent food. No store brand rubbish and I can usually get it. If I can’t get it myself I know someone who will.  I also get the drugs I want, the bedding I like. I come and go as I please. I live a charmed life.

e: The essentials. It’s not enough for anything else.

5. How many people do you know who are unemployed?

a: A few people. Some have found bits of jobs others got lucky and have full-time work.

b: Quite a few. These are people who thought they had job security but are now like me.

c: A few, here and at home. We none of us like it.

d: Those I depend on are unemployed. Makes no difference to me. Why would it matter? What is this obsession you have with working? Chilling out is much better.

e: I know more and more people in my situation and many are now being forced to work despite still being really, really ill.

Mostly As: You’re lazy. You’ve just left college/university and not looking hard enough for work. You clearly find living on benefits a suitable alternative lifestyle because it keeps you in luxury accommodation, enjoying fine-dining and enough computer games to keep you awake all night so you can sleep all day. You’re still cheerful and proud of your educational achievements. Stopping your entitlement to benefits will sort you out.

Mostly Bs: You’re lazy. You lack motivation, ambition and the ability to start-up your own business. You’re dependent on the state when you should be out there finding something, anything and lying about your qualifications or experience just so long as you find work. Did you not see The Pursuit of Happyness? That man slept in a toilet while he looked for work and so should you. Workfare will sort you out.

Mostly Cs: You’re lazy. Worse still, you’re foreign. You’ve come over here thinking our benefit system is easy and you can live off the taxpayer. We’ll show you by making sure there’s no work here either. Being scapegoated and blamed for mass unemployment in the UK will sort you out.

Mostly Ds: You’re my cat, Chaplin. You sleep most of the day and think people should run around after you. You’ve no intention of working, can’t begin to understand what it even means. You’re a cat but sometimes your characteristics are forced onto people who are struggling to survive on the least amount of money it is possible to live on.

Mostly Es: You’re lazy. Just because you’re ill doesn’t mean the taxpayer should help you. It’s not our fault you got ill. You should’ve taken better care of yourself or kept on eye on your dodgy genes. If you can walk, you can work, now get up and get earning.

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12 thoughts on “Which unemployed worker stereotype are you?

  1. As ever you get to the heart of it – Im mostly E – sheesh I remember the days when a duvet day in bed was a luxury to be enjoyed..;P

  2. Touche. Unfortunately. Seems like the rhetoric in the UK is much the same as it is here in Canada. I recall an excellent series in the Toronto Star a few years ago, in which some provincial MPPs undertook to try to feed a family of four on welfare payments. Needless to say, they weren’t able to buy much more than cans of tuna and packets of spaghetti, and they still couldn’t stretch the payment to the end of the month. Did the series have any impact, though? Nope.

  3. : ) “You’re a Chaplin”! There is a certain amount of comfort in the thought that “a Chaplin” is non-judgemental and that you are still able to keep that pampered feline in the style they like… [the “Trophy-Cat” : ) ] Even when society doesn’t give a sh*t … “a Chaplin” always has a sparkle in his/her eyes for you… with can-opener at hand – in times when life is boring, lonely, disappointing, frightening, hostile, austere, belittling, un-eventful, … “a Chaplin” thinks that you are the cat’s whiskers. Heart warming : )

    : ) The first ten minutes after walking out of the JobcentrePlus Office, during a long volley of non-errors, when the relief hits you: “… I don’t have to come back to this place for another fortnight …” possibly the only luxury I allow myself as an unemployed person… a thought of freedom from the repression that is the signing-on: “… now home to my trophy Chaplin…” : )

    • That perfectly describes my feelings as I leave the Job Centre. Now, as unemployment is the highest in 16 years, I fear I’ll be back there soon and, in the meantime, will try desperately to survive on a part-time wage just to avoid having to go there at all. I think from this we can rest assured they’re having the desired effect – treat us so badly, make us feel so degraded we’d rather risk starving than take the money we’re entitled to from the state. But yes, Chaplin – and all feline friends – are a welcome relief, even making sure we get out of bed at a decent hour.

  4. A’s and a couple of B’s, I finished A-levels a year and a half ago now and I’ve never been able to find a job other than a week long contract for shelf stacking and it’s a bit of a horror story.

    That was six hard twelve hour shifts at night, in a row, and it nearly killed me (I’m no stranger to manual labour, having spent entire summers shifting granite and mixing concrete for decent wages at my dad’s stonemason business)

    I asked about full time work but they said they simply didn’t have any. Everyone working there had been unemployed for a long time and had just been picked up at the job centre like me, it was also subtly implied to a lot of them that if they refused to take the offer they would lose their entitlement to benefit.

    I got the impression that this business just went up and down the U.K, picking people up from the job centres closest to wherever the contract was and then paying them almost nothing for their trouble.

    If any other unemployed people come across this company or others like it I advise you to avoid them like the plague, what money I did make was pitiful and there’s no opportunity for further employment, you’re as disposable as yesterday’s newspaper to them..

    Another excellent article unemployedhack.

    • Thank you. It’s not about a fear of hard work but wanting to use the qualifications you worked for. No one wants to work 12 hour shifts for six days for a pittance – I’m not convinced I’d want to do that for a fantastic wage. We can be taken advantage of because we’re desperate for work, desperate to avoid signing on and nothing is being done to create jobs. I hope you get a chance to use your qualifications and to do a job you actually look forward to doing – it’s a luxury some people have.

  5. Oh and in Canada, once your EI runs out (rather quickly) you are on your own. You can apply for welfare – which is about $500 CDN a month, yes a month. And to get that you can’t have any savings or any assets.

  6. I am an A. Spent 3 years at university, worked hard to get a high 2.1 in politics and international relations just to find this miserable excuse of a life at the end of it. Spent all of university excited about how much better off I would be after graduating and getting a livable wage rather than student finance and part time work. Hahah, what an absolute joke.
    More than enough to make one very very bitter. I might add that I have been unemployed for a year, having made an outrageous number of applications to everything from graduate training programmes, the armed forces, low level admin jobs, the local factories and even shelf stacking with no avail. on the verge of giving up hope.

  7. none of the above apply, single mum with one deaf child and an unable to walk properly on his own autistic child. would love to work but considering my youngest child’s problems he doesn’t cope well with new people i stay at home and look after him

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