You talk a load of drizzle, Jamie Oliver

Excuse me while I take off my pinny. I’ve been making artisan bread and some home-made pesto out of the leftover ice in my freezer.

Posh grub

Not affordable to a Sicilian street cleaner

You see, celebrity chef and once Labour school meals adviser Jamie Oliver has decided that British poverty isn’t as chic and exciting as, say, Sicilian poverty so I’m trying to change the way I approach the lack of food in the cupboard.

I won’t be angry at my job loss. I won’t be irritated by the stagnating economy. I won’t be frustrated at shrinking wages or the rising cost of living. No, I will internalise the problem and blame myself for not realising I can make a week’s food from a slice of stale bread and an egg. I’ll readily accept that all I need is cheaper olive oil to drizzle on an empty plate for a nutritious meal in front of my cinema-size plasma TV.

Jamie said, “You might remember that scene in Ministry Of Food, with the mum and the kid eating chips and cheese out of styrofoam containers, and behind them is a massive TV. It just didn’t weigh up.”

So Jamie immediately assumes people buy huge TVs instead of food rather than

Sit down and have an olive, love

Sit down and have an olive, love

recognising they might have bought it while in work, it might be a gift, it might be secondhand … and it’s impossible not to buy huge tellies anymore!

Jamie goes on: “I meet people who say, ‘You don’t understand what it’s like.’ I just want to hug them and teleport them to the Sicilian street cleaner who has 25 mussels, 10 cherry tomatoes, and a packet of spaghetti for 60 pence, and knocks out the most amazing pasta.”

Ignoring the fact that Jamie Oliver’s own brand spaghetti is £1.75 …

Well, I know what it’s like Jamie. It’s soul-destroying. It’s monotonous. It’s exhausting. And a jar of expensive pesto from your own brand range (£2.59!) isn’t going to change that.

Oh, and if you hug me I’ll punch you.

He goes on (he won’t stop!), “The flavour comes from a cheap cut of meat, or something that’s slow-cooked, or an amazing texture’s been made out of leftover stale bread.”

So us poor no longer need to worry about hormone-injected meat or animal welfare – phew! that trend has passed – and have a constant supply of energy to fuel a slow cooker and a seemingly endless supply of leftover bread. You think we’d eat the bread, at least?!Cheesy Chips

Anyway, I’ve no time to keep ranting. I’m going to imagine French cuisine and see if that doesn’t fill me up before I get some money.

PS I’ve never had cheesy chips … but I really fancy some now.

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4 thoughts on “You talk a load of drizzle, Jamie Oliver

  1. Pingback: Jamie Oliver [Net Worth £150 Million] Savages British Poor as Profligate and Brands Our Workers ‘Whingers’ | Black Triangle Campaign

  2. YES AM OH DEAR IVE GOT THREE CATS TO FEED AS WELL
    ANCIENT CREAKY MOANING BUGGERS BUT I DO LOVE THEM MAYBE JAMIE HAS A RECIPE SO I CAN SLOW COOK THEM AND HAVE THEM IN A CURRY OR SOMETHING
    RATHER THAN GET THEM PUT DOWN AS I WOULD HAVE TO GET A CRISIS LOAN FROM DWP WHICH WOULD RENDER ME IN DEBT TO THE STATE AND WE CANT HAVE THAT POOR DWP NO MONEY TO SPARE INFACT NOT ENOUGH TO GIVE TO THE POOR SICK DISABLED PEOPLE FOR WHICH THIS SYSTEM WAS SET UP TO PROVIDE FOR IN THE FIRST PLACE
    FOOTE NOTE
    CATS LIKE MY ANCIENT TELE FROM A FORMER BETTER OF LIFE. DONT HAVE A TRIDENT MISSILE IN MY BACK YARD OR A FANCY ASSED PLANE TO BOMB INNOCIENT PEOPLE IN OTHER COUNTRIES AW WELL POOR SICK BUT STILL WITH A SARCASTIC SENSE OF BEING . THEVE NOT ROBBED ME OFF THAT YET . IM NOT VOILENT THE OPPOSITTE IN FACT
    BUT IF YOU DO MANAGE TO PACK A PUNCH PUT ONE IN FOR ME TOO I HATE POOR KIDS WHO GET RICH AND LOOK DOWN ON THERE HUMBLE BEGINNINGS LIKE THEY WERE NEVER THERE SHORT TERM MEMORY LOSS . AND THE SAUSAGES IN SAINSBURYS HE RECOMMENDS ARE CRAP IM SURE HE DOESNT SERVE UP PIGS LIPS AND ARSEHOLES TO HIS BUDDING SUPERKIDS . IVE LIVED OUT OF BINS AND COOKED CHEAPLY FOR MY LIFE I COULD TEACH HIM HOW TO COOK nd ive never ate a crap supermarket sausage in my puff id rather not bother .

  3. Oliver is right get you house in order
    proper food before TV of any kind TV is not a right good food is. There is a bigger Prick Then Jamie Oliver and its you sir!!

    • wow! Even from this side of the atlantic you can see what a big prick “harve” is. “get your house in order”, really? That’s the answer that works for everyone?
      Yes, a person can make up for a lack of some resources by being resourceful in their methods, but there is a base level of needed resources below which no amount of organizational skills or resourcefulness can make up for.

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